InsaneJournal

Current location:	Bed
Current mood:	drained
Current music:	Unforgivable - Metallica
Entry tags:	journal entry

Well...today's my last day in Ohio for a while...to me at least.

I'll be going some 200 - 300 miles away from home, and no one cares, really. Today I wanted to spend time with my parents, go out to dinner, have some semblance of normality, but yet I must ask my self, what is normal? If you have no one to compare to, what is insanity? What is eternal damnation? Lol, A little to much Twilight i think, but alas. It was a horrible even. My mother - by blood, I've never really liked her - took my father and me to the bar, and we stayed there for five hours. It was horrible, after awhile I put my hood on and put my head on the table I told my papa to "Take me home, or I'm walking home." he stood there stupidly so I walked home, and when I got home my dog was hurt.

Someone hurt my dog, he couldn't/can't walk. When I saw him at the top of the stairs, his head down, his ears flat and his right hind leg hanging in the air. I got down on my knees, and felt the tears come, I sat in the hallway holding my doggy crying as he whimpered. I'm so sad, so angry. I know these feelings, they're nothing new. Neither are the actions that cause them.

I also go into a bout with my dad. He was mad at my mom, and I had to yell at him, because someone I barely even KNOW was trying to get me to talk with her because she saw how miserable I was. "You okay? 'Cuz if you're not you can yell at me. Yell at me that you're not okay." and I just gave that fake smile and told her I was fine.

But back to the tiff with my dad, he was angry at my mom and was like "Sure you don't want a quick sandwich?" and I was like "No, just take me home," he picked me up half way home : /

so I did get in the car, and I had to yell at him as he rambled at himself, "You act as if she's going to change! You knew this was going to happen! Her taking me along is her way of saying 'oh i'm not ignoring her.....much!' I hate this mockery of a family. I hope you like the one you've come into at the bar because you sure as hell don't have one here," and I slammed my car door on him, and went in side. Which leg to my dog and my mental break down on the phone with my friend I'm going to tomorrow.

I couldn't even get the words out, I just cried, and cried and cried and now my head still hurts, and I want to do something besides sleep. I want to write. I want all this emotion to be gone. I like feeling empty, this turmoil is slowly leading up to something i don't want to deal with.

I don't want to take college classes again, i don't want that stress anymore, it's hard enough just living here.

I'm actually afraid to start my next semester. I mean I know I got a 4.0 GPA this past semester, but I'm still scared witless. I was so accustom to taking short cuts last semester, and I don't think that'll work this time. I mean Eng 1020, Political/Governmental Science, and IT 1010. I'm petrified!